Pillar Two: Identity – Who You Believe You Are
In over 30 years of leadership, I’ve found that most people define themselves by what they do rather than who they are internally.
And when that happens, something subtle begins to take place.
We mask.
Masking is when we behave our way into a perceived identity. We copy what we see in others to gain acceptance or respect. We begin to perform - faking, performing, and second-guessing - trying to become who we think others need us to be.
At first, it feels like adaptation, but over time, it’s a disconnection from our true self.
Feeling unsure in new environments is normal.
Building your identity around that uncertainty is not.
The Desire Beneath It All
Every one of us wants to be seen, valued, heard, and known.
But that doesn’t start with what others say about us, it starts with knowing ourselves.
This is why identity is the second pillar.
Every pillar builds on the next - just like a structure designed to withstand the storms of life. Without a strong identity, everything else becomes unstable.
So let me ask you:
Who are you when no one is looking?
What Identity Actually Shapes
Identity is built on the foundational belief of your God-given value and worth.
And from that place, it shapes everything:
What you believe about yourself
How you talk to yourself
How you allow others to talk to you
What you expect of yourself - privately and publicly
What you accept for your life - now and long term
Your identity quietly directs your entire LifeStory.
What Identity Is Not
Your identity is not:
Your title
Your performance
Public opinion
External success
Your worth is defined by something far deeper:
You are created in the image of God.
You are wanted.
You are deeply loved.
You have inherent value.
The Work Most People Avoid
Your internal narrative determines how you live.
And for many, that narrative has been shaped by words that were unkind, untrue, or even harmful.
If that’s part of your story, hear me clearly:
That is not your identity.
But it does take intentional work to untangle those beliefs and replace them with truth.
And it is worthy work.
I cannot encourage you enough to do it.
There Is A Cost of Getting This Wrong
I’ve had the honor of working with people who are incredibly successful by external standard: financial and corporate title.
You would know their names. You would recognize their success.
But without a strong foundation and a clear identity, the other pillars crumble.
Success on the outside…but a lack of peace on the inside.
When we pursue outcomes without anchoring who we are, we may gain money, title, and fame - and still feel empty.
If You Feel Unanchored
If you haven’t anchored yourself…
Or if you realize you’ve been building on the wrong foundation…
This is why I show up.
A Final Thought
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be…I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald
Helping you live your great LifeStory,
TRACI 😊